An Emotional Roller Coaster

Friday, February 1, is a day I will never forget, that day showed the full array of emotions possible and I feel like I lived a lifetime on that day.

I have come to the realization that I absolutely abhor wakes and funeral homes with a burning passion (who doesn't though). Monday night, January 28, I learned that a Liverpool high school classmate of mine, Ben Reason had passed away unexpectedly, that night I had this to say on Facebook:

"Tonight we lost someone who truly impacted countless lives and it deeply saddens me. Ben was probably one of the smartest people I have ever met, I remember in my honors Biology class he would be texting in class seemingly not paying attention, the teacher would get mad about it and try and catch him off-guard by asking him a tough question he would then proceed to answer the question completely correct! He had such a presence when entered a room. I've hung out at his house a few times with some of my friends and always had a good time. This is so tragic but remember to celebrate his life don't just mourn his passing I think it's what he would have wanted!"

Though I may have eloquently posted that statement I found it extremely difficult to say things to my grieving friends who were very close to Ben, it made me feel so helpless not being able to ease their pain. When I heard that the wake would be held on Friday I felt obligated to attend and show my support for my friends and his family. As the week went on my apprehension grew as it sunk in just how horrific this tragedy really was and how massive of a hole had been left in the Liverpool class of '09's collective psyche. When Friday arrived I was consumed with somewhat selfish nerves due to the fact of simply never having attended a wake before in my life, this disquiet manifested as a forty-five minute dissertation about Star Wars with my brothers a common occurrence when I'm nervous. When I finally went my friend Charlie drove me, Jeremy and a few of my other friends also came with me, I'm so grateful to have such great friends who made this event not quite as terrible. This was truly a grim experience that affected me greatly, the floral wallpaper, the Greek busts, the soft organ music, the pained polite smiles, the hushed voices, my stunned friends, the grieving family and seeing the lifeless body that had once held such an outgoing spirit, all of this together drained the life right out of me. I was glad to be out of there, that much negative energy can take its toll. I have decided that when my time comes I am not having any of this wake bullshit I want my life to be celebrated like they do at some New Orleans funerals, hate to  be blunt but thats how I feel. The day was not over yet and I needed to continue living my life to the fullest, that's really all that can be done, move forward. After having a Captain and Coke (so needed) and some delicious homemade pizza that my mom had made, Charlie, my brothers and I all headed out into the horrible snow storm to see Blue Man Group, which we had purchased earlier in the week. Whiteout conditions did not deter us, we made it to the beautiful Landmark Theater for a great show filled with brilliant visuals, humor and music, an amazing time was had by all! 

I am by no means trying to downplay a terrible loss with these words but am simply saying that life goes on and each moment is a sublime gift that we must not take for granted. We must all try to smile, love, laugh, respect your body and hold your friends close because not one of us knows how much we have.

Ps. Beyonce!