I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

I have gotten to experience a great many things throughout my life, which I am extremely grateful for, but I have never had a romantic relationship. This is a fact that I have long resented but have essentially never tried to change. One of my early posts dealt with this very same subject, rereading it I realized just how much self-doubt (and poor grammar) I was filled with when I wrote it. You can read it here: http://manmythmike.blogspot.com/2012/09/just-friend.html
Since September of 2012, my writing skills have improved but more importantly so has my confidence.

I am not all that different from who I was two years ago however a little bit of self-acceptance goes a long way. I have come to understand that I probably was not emotionally prepared for a relationship all these years; for so long I had worried if I was accepted by others instead of whether or not I could accept myself. I outwardly lived under the idea that I was not defined by my circumstances but inwardly I still sometimes felt like a burden, a deeply flawed being. In life, there are times in which we treat ourselves worse than we would our greatest foe. My doubt would set the tone and time would take care of the rest—each opportunity fell away like dominos. Bit by bit, as the years have passed I learned to love the person I am. Lately, I just feel more comfortable living in my mind, my skin. I understand that I am far from perfect and there are still days I don't like myself very much but I am improving. I can honestly say I feel ready to start a new chapter in my life… with clear eyes and an open mind I would like to start dating.

This new adventure will not be easy but the best ones never usually are. It may seem odd that I feel the need to share this with all my readers but what better form personal accountability is there than a blog. I make this declaration with no real plan but where there's a will there's a way. I am conscious of the fact that this is no small feat for anyone and will be extra tricky for me. With this endeavor I also will require the assistance of my friends and family for transportation and such. Logistical details aside this is truly about sharing a deep connection with another person, whether it's with someone I already know or someone new. I have no idea if I will find someone special who completely accept me for who I am but I have to try, I reject the idea that I am un-dateable. My life may be different from most but why should I let that stop me—the world lies before me and it's up to me to take that chance. 

P.S. Girl of The Week:

Rachel McAdams

P.P.S. Song of The Week:

Lazaretto by Jack White