The Great Blank Page

For a writer, there are few things more unsettling than the endless white abyss of an empty page. The most difficult part of creating something new is beginning; writing unto itself is easy, starting is where it gets tricky. Not knowing where to begin is a seldom understood reality of the creatively minded. Whether it is in Microsoft Word, a physical piece of paper, the notes on an iPhone or in a Google doc, the clawing torment of writer’s block is no different. This blank page syndrome struck me once again as I set out to write my latest blog post. However, as author and binge-drinking misanthrope Charles Bukowski once pointed out, “Writing about a writer's block is better than not writing at all.” 

Every great novel, short story, poem and blog that has ever been written started out as a blank page, an empty vessel waiting to be filled. Some pieces of writing flow like a swift mountain stream, others like a drying riverbed but all must have a beginning. Anything that is expressed through writing starts as thought, a cloud waiting to condense into rain. As words fall, the desert of the unmarked page begins to spring to life―a garden of prose emerges. Gardeners and writers alike though, understand that sometimes it simply does not rain. When a drought hits, and it will, all you can do is either wait for the rain or try to plant something new.

When it comes to escaping a dreaded writer’s block, there are two major schools of thought, either we can work it out or we should let it be (Beatles puns intended). Some feel that creativity is about discipline and persistence, that we should stick with what we are writing. The author H. Jackson Brown Jr. remarked, “Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you.” Some believe that inspiration cannot be forced, when do not know what to write we should simply step away for a bit. Writer Neil Gaiman's piece of advice is to, "Put it aside for a few days, or longer, do other things, try not to think about it.”  

Personally, both ways of thinking can be true depending on the situation, there is no ‘perfect’ answer. There are times when writing is much like Newton’s first law, an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion; if I begin writing I am likely to continue writing. Having the right frame of mind at the start is also a major factor, I must want to write in the first place. I have found that things like listening to music, reading, having abstract conversations or watching interesting movies and shows tend to stimulate my mind. Writing truly is a crop that requires patience and tender care with no guarantee of results.

The art of written word remains a fickle endeavor, it is a game of ups and downs. Even the greatest literary minds of all time faced these word droughts, when inspiration was nowhere to be found. This phenomenon is not the result of poor skill or lack of effort, it is merely an accepted risk in the creative process. For all the frustration writer's block causes, it has one great aspect: it goes away. Some days that great blank page is the most terrifying thing in the world, other days it is just simply a blank page. 

Michael Goes to the Dentist

It’s a Tuesday, I sit in the dentist office waiting room, Hotel California by The Eagles playing ominously in the background. “You can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave!”; the song declares as I anticipate the biannual assault on my gums. Long have I loathed this experience, the agreed-upon low-key torture that is routine dental cleaning. The hygienist arrives in the doorway smiling, we exchange pleasantries but both of us know I would rather be somewhere else, anywhere else. Going to the dentist epitomizes the concept of having to do things in life that we do not want to do.

I maneuver my wheelchair in to place, no hideous tan vinyl recliners for me. The small-talk continues as I look around the exam suite; part starship Enterprise, part interrogation room and all business in muted white and gray colors. An enormous photo of a woman’s teeth hangs from the wall, a menacing disembodied grin presiding over the room like the bespectacled eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg in The Great Gatsby. What is it about going to the dentist that is so unpleasant? Is it the sights, the sounds, the smells or just the invasiveness of it all? There is something so strange about having someone you barely know put their hands and various tools into your open mouth.

The adjustable dental light shines blindingly in my face as if I am about to be questioned about nuclear launch codes. The cleaning begins, it is not particularly painful, more of a persistent annoyance. “Are you ok?” asks the hygienist, sensing my slight discomfort. “Mhmm.” I mumble over the sound of the suction. I wince again as the dental pick pokes my lower gum, my dentist office uses water-pick technology but it is still a medievalIy sharp object. My mind wanders as this irksome process proceeds, time seems to slow.

Logically, I understand the need for going and go with little protest (for the most part), however, it is one of those things I will never get used to doing. Some people actually like going to the dentist. Is it sadism? A compulsion? Clean, all must be clean. Or are those who enjoy this experience simply braver people than the rest of us, souls of stronger fortitude? I like having clean teeth as much as the next person, Americans are notoriously overzealous when it comes to our teeth, but these encounters have always felt a bit traumatic to me.

After the poking, the scraping and high-pressure jets of water, the rest of the appointment flows by like a blur. The hygienist carefully polishing each tooth and the dentist examining those said teeth, all to the soundtrack of somber elevator music. Before I know it, it’s over; everything checks out, the next appointment is made and I find myself back in the waiting-room. As I wait for my mom to return, I cannot help but feel utterly relived. That wasn’t so bad. I think to myself, what I always think to myself. I have survived, triumphed, I have gone casually to the dentist once again. 

Live Your Truth, Love Yourself, Help Others

This past Sunday, I had the pleasure of speaking for Maureen’s Hope Youth Club, a part of Sue Bertrand's wonderful organization. I was truly honored to talk to this group of great young adults who contribute to the community in such a positive way. Below is an adapted version of my notes from my talk, while it is not necessarily what said word for word (I tend to improvise) it is the essence of what I had to say.

The theme of Sunday's event is inspired by Maya Angelou's enlightening quote, “When we know better, we do better.” Many remember Maya Angelou for her powerful literary and artistic contributions, however, another major aspect of her legacy is activism. 

Heavily involved with the movement for black civil rights both in the US and abroad, Mis. Angelou worked with leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X and Nelson Mandela. She also took part in the feminist and LGBT rights movements. In 2011, Maya Angelou was presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian honor, for her lifetime of achievement. Maya Angelou may have passed away last year but her words live on, her voice is immortal.

History is truly made by those who challenge the status quo, those who seek change within, and far beyond their own lives. Social justice movements are born from a devoted few speaking up for others and working towards a common goal. Many of my personal philosophies are inspired by the brave men and women throughout history, who have changed the world through their words and actions.

One movement, in particular, that is very important to me is the push for disabled rights that originated the 1960’s. After the Civil Rights Bill of 1964 was passed, a law that set to out to end discrimination based on race, religion or national origin, activists felt that Americans with disabilities deserved this same protection under the law. They presented the idea that access is a human right, that it is equality.

Much like with African-American civil rights, disability activists looked to change laws as well as perceptions. At the time, the majority of disabled individuals like myself were excluded from society because of widespread inaccessibility, stigma and mass institutionalization. So many people were denied a voice because of the way the system was designed. Activists spoke out not simply because it was the right thing to do but because it was the only thing to do.

Things have certainly improved as a direct result of this movement, just the very fact I’m here in front of you right now proves that. There is still a long way to go though, inaccessibility still remains; barriers both physically and societally. Some people even still struggle to connect with disabled people on a social level. There is so much we can learn from the Disability Rights Movement. The three biggest things that I have learned are self-acceptance, acceptance of others and speaking up for those in need.

Changing how I personally viewed disability, greatly helped me to accept myself. One of the most important ideas disabled activists have presented is that disability is not inherently bad, it is just part of natural diversity of life. Many of the most difficult aspects come from the lack of understanding and accommodation. It’s not to say that I don’t have bad days and frustrations but overall I am proud to call myself a disabled person. Shifting how we think about disability and disabled people helps to erase pity from our culture, something that can be very isolating. 

This change in perspective has also helped me to treat others with more respect and understanding. Early on, I was hesitant to see myself as part of a larger disabled community, I was afraid to a associate with other people who were different. I realize now that I was close-minded and missing out on a wonderful group of people. I have come to understand that there is power and companionship in shared experience. It was truly this unity between people with many different impairments, backgrounds and perspectives, that allowed change to take place and improve so many lives.

Learning to speak up for others is something crucial for creating a better future. Each of us have a unique voice in this world, a powerful chance to make a difference. We can all be ambassadors for change. Advocating for other people has become an extremely important part of my life, not just for other disabled people but for all those struggling to live there truth because of the barriers in our society. I may be a bit of an idealist but I strongly feel we all can make a difference, I believe in a brighter tomorrow made possible by our words and actions altering the world around us like ripples on a pond.

With my blog and volunteer work I strive to positively impact the world around me and share my own unique perspective. While being disabled does not define all of who I am it is a major part of my life, it has altered how I perceive things and what my priorities are. I think that every one of us has a different story to tell, a completely original truth to share. This is why I believe so passionately in embracing the brilliant diversity of life and fighting for the equality of all people.

Maya Angelou also once wrote, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” So I say, live your truth, love yourself and help others to do the same.

Living With Doubt

Doubt, arguably one of the most challenging aspects of being a deep thinker, it is the great equalizer of thought. Being unsure is both a hallmark of and obstacle for those forging their own unique path through life. Hope and doubt are very similar, they take a sure bet and in the dark whisper: what if? Even the greatest visionaries, the minds responsible for changing the world, questioned themselves from time to time. We all live with doubt in one way or another, some of us more others, it is simply a part of being human. This feeling of unsureness can sometimes be a good instinct but we must be conscious of how much it dictates our lives, how much it holds us back. 

For me, self-doubt is something that I have always had to battle, it is just a part of how my mind operates. Much of the time I tend to be in some amount of flux between skepticism and idealism, between confidence and uncertainty. Fortunately, I am not alone in this internal conflict, some of the most powerful leaders of thought throughout human history have faced personal doubt. From Dr. King to Neilson Mandela, Albert Einstein to Alan Turing, Roosevelt to Kennedy, even Jesus and Beyoncé had to overcome uncertainty within. It is easy to doubt oneself while doing something that has never been done before, the undiscovered path is seldom the simplest one. Doubt can often reveal what is at stake and what is important, however, we must not let it stop us from achieving.

Doubt is a lot like gravity; without any we would fly off into space, too much and we cannot move. There is a difference between staying grounded and being crushed, sometimes finding the balance can be difficult. Being somewhat of an over-thinker, I find it easy to get caught up in a tiring loop of self questioning. Personally, I believe that some questioning is good, it allows us to grow and change as a person, but when it begins to completely dominate our thoughts it has gone too far. Having the prescience of mind to determine the difference between legitimate concerns and intrusive thoughts is an powerful skill to have, logic can be our biggest ally. However, our own reason is not always enough, sometimes we need a little help.

Last year’s phenomenal film Selma (watch trailer), which portrayed Martin Luther King Jr.’s iconic Civil Rights march from Selma to Montgomery, powerfully shows the difficulties and triumphs of social change. There is a great scene in which Dr. King (David Oyelowo), sitting in an Alabama jail cell after a particularly trying day of protest, begins to doubt if the goals of equality can be accomplished. It takes Dr. King’s close friend and fellow civil rights leader, Ralph Abernathy (Colman Domingo) to reassure him that it can be done, that they will continue to build the path “rock by rock”. Sometimes we need the support of our friends and loved ones to overcome our doubts and fears, there is certainly no shame in this. Simple reassurance can mean the world as well as change it, we must be willing to both give and receive words of encouragement.

Some of the most important things we do in life come with a sense of uncertainty, a leap of faith. We are never 100% sure of anything but that is what makes existence interesting, it is what makes the bet worth all the more. Christopher Reeve once said, “A hero is someone who, in spite of weakness, doubt or not always knowing the answers, goes ahead and overcomes anyway.” In this sense each of us are heroes, not for what we face but for what we do. As with many obstacles, doubt is just something we have to overcome not what defines us.

Open Doors

Life is filled with doors, unique chances to start something new. Every day we are surrounded by opportunities; some small, others large but all with the potential to change our lives if we simply have the courage to seize them. While, each opportunity that we are presented with may not be simple, they are still out there if we choose to fight for them. Benjamin Mee, author of the book We Bought a Zoo later adapted to a 2011 film starring Matt Damon, writes, “Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” 

For me, life may have closed a few doors but it has also opened more than I ever possibly could have imagined. As I look back I realize the great number of amazing chances have crossed my path, some of which I would not have ever expected. I have learned over the years that many of the biggest opportunities that we face are, in fact, completely unexpected and often times absolutely terrifying. There is power in being able to recognize and react to unforeseen possibilities, to use those twenty seconds. There are times when taking that first great leap is the hardest thing to do but all great things must begin somewhere.

Things like starting my work with Make-A-Wish, beginning my blog and making connections with new people were all chances I decided to take not knowing where it would go. Sometimes the only way to know if something is worth doing is to simply try it—to step over that proverbial threshold. To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, "All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” In other words, we need to constantly put ourselves out there and try new things in order to get the most of what life has to offer.

When we open ourselves up to new ideas and experiences, more doors seem to appear and eventually every day starts to resemble the door warehouse from Monsters Inc. There are always opportunities to learn something new, to talk to someone new, to create something, to begin new chapters in our lives. It may always not be easy but, take it from me, it is certainly worth it. 

Missed chances—doors we let close—tend be some of the biggest regrets we hold. There is certainly a difference, however, between seizing the moment and being afraid of missing opportunities; sometimes things just simply don't work out. The trick is being willing to look for that next chance and remain optimistic that other doors will continue to open. May we all have the courage to enter the doors that are open, the serenity to accept the doors that have closed and the wisdom to know the difference.  

Rocket Science: A Guide to Launching

Life is not about leaving the launchpad but instead learning to fly mentally. To me, growing-up is more a path of self-discovery than a physical destination or specific accomplishment. So much of our adolescence is spent preparing to launch, to leave the nest, to become independent adults. For those of us who do not fit within this cultural directive though, it can sometimes be difficult to feel like successful members of society.

From a very young age, most of us are taught, bit by bit, to fend for ourselves. We learn to sit up, to walk, to talk, to feed ourselves, to tie our shoes, to drive a car, so on and so forth—launch preparations. We typically tend to see this as the natural progression of life, each step built on the previous, all leading to total self-reliance. This process may work for many people but it does not necessarily account for everyone. There is definitely value in developing certain life skills, however, it is different for each of us.

Early on in my childhood, I met many of the assumed milestones only to loose much of my physical ability; this change certainly did not make me any less of a person. Just because I do not meet our culture's strict expectations does not mean my existence is less meaningful. Unfortunately, we still live in a society where the phrase "lives with their parents" has an automatically negative connotation and success has a dollar value. I may not have launched in the traditional sense, so to speak, but I have still launched mentally. After all, not all astronauts get to go to space.

Finding oneself is no easy task though, especially for those who live at home. It was, no doubt, challenging to watch most of my friends take off. Another tough aspect was transitioning into adulthood with no concrete change in responsibility or living situation. Occasionally, it was a little tricky for my parents to remember that I was, in fact, an adult. We both had to shift our perceptions of just what it means to grow up.

Becoming an adult is difficult for anyone but it happens whether we want it to or not. I had to become my own person with my own priorities and interests. I have learned to expand my horizons intellectually instead of geographically. We do not have to visit the stars to understand their beauty. Whether we live where we grew up or somewhere that feels like a distant galaxy, we are all part of this brilliant expedition known as life.

Conquering Fear

Last week's blog post, The Presence of Fear delved into what it means to be afraid from a biological and conceptual perspective, this week I will be focusing specifically on overcoming fear. Learning to live with and conquer what scares us ultimately comes down to altering our patterns of thought. Every day presents a unique opportunity to change the scripts that we write for ourselves, to condition our minds with logic and reason. Fear is something all too familiar to me but fortunately so is rising above it. 

Throughout my life I have experienced being afraid more than most people may realize. Despite being seen as somewhat fearless in my personality, I find myself needing to battle my own anxieties and fears on a fairly regular basis. Time and time again, I have had to gather the inner strength to cope with what terrifies me. One of the most powerful tools, that I have found, when it comes to persisting through these moments of dread is logic. The human brain is the most advanced computer in existence; with enough time, practice and patience we can quite literally reprogram our minds.

Our minds may be the source of fear but they can also be the solution. When dealing with my own personal fears I feel it is important that I first identify the root and triggers of the fear. Some are pretty obvious but others require a bit more digging, once the causes are identified though it becomes much easier to interrupt the path of negativity. Having a plan when fear begins to boil-up allows us to consciously alter how much it affects us. We must be active in our thoughts instead of simply reactive.

Renowned activist and Peace Direct founder, Scilla Elworthy cites the strength in being able to master fear as part of her TED talk, Fighting with nonviolence. She shares her insightful personal mantra, “My fear grows fat on the energy I feed it. And if it grows very big it probably happens.” Elworthy also relates overcoming fear to speaking with a child; ultimately we are the adults and can ask what the fear wants, what would satisfy it’s needs. Managing fear is all about minimizing it's power over us and reclaiming control of our feelings. 

All of this discussion of mastering feelings may sound a bit Jedi-esque to some, luckily, there are other more practical options. A helpful strategy for me is to talk about what I am afraid of, sometimes just voicing how I feel with someone I trust can make life seem a bit brighter. Also things like taking a few deep breaths, creative expression and distracting ourselves in a healthy way can break the grip of fear. All in all, the more we can cope with what scares, the more we can accomplish. I think President Roosevelt said it best, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

The Presence of Fear

Fear; arguably the most intense and visceral emotions a person can experience. The feeling of being afraid is an evolutionary trait that has allowed our own species as well as many others, to deal with threats and in turn survive the perils of this planet. However, out-of-control fear can actually become extremely limiting to our ability to move forward and make decisions in life. All of us have certainly faced this dilemma at one time or another, it’s an occupational hazard of existence. From slight apprehension to full blown terror, we must each learn to cope with these feelings in our own way. 

Several Millions of years ago, it is theorized creatures developed the capacity for fear. All species may not have the same type of fears felt by humans, but all animals do have a fear response. This involuntary process occurs when we are exposed to an actual or perceived threat. Also known as the Fight or Flight response, the reaction involves increased heart and breath rate, tightening of muscles and blood vessels, etc. in preparation to either flee or deal with the danger in some way. While most of us no longer need to worry about things like lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) at the grocery store, the physiological response to fear is the same.

Each of us have our own unique set of things that frighten and cause us anxiety, some are very common and others quite specific. We do not choose our fears; they can be inherent as well as conditioned by our own negative experiences and the experiences of other people. There is no shame in having fear, it is a natural part of life. As Nelson Mandela once said, "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

Overcoming fear can be a rather daunting task though, it requires overriding both biology and deep-seated thought. It can be a bit like climbing Mt. Everest for some, especially those living with things like PTSD, anxiety disorders or serious phobias. We can never fully know the battles raging inside the minds of others. I also strongly believe that we should support one another when it comes dealing with our fears—none of us should have to do it all alone. 

Personally, I hold a great deal hope that each of us has the ability to improve, to find more peace with what scares us. Whether it be spiders or failure, sharks or public speaking, heights or even death; we can learn to be less afraid. Much like the Fight or Flight instinct in nature, we can either face our fears or run from them. Not everyone is able fight their fears, so to speak, but we can all better understand why we are afraid. The classic Francis Bacon phrase certainly rings true, “Knowledge is power”.

One of the most persistent and debilitating fears that we have as a culture is that of change. It can be terrify to let go of the familiar, to take that next step forward. The interesting thing about fear is though: the more we conquer it, the more freedom we unlock. As we persist through life, the presence of fear surrounds us but it does not have to become us. 

To Be Continued

Existence at its very core is not about time, but rather progress. As the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius once wrote, "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” Each of us have different kinds of personal growth and success, all in our own unique timeframe, all thoroughly important. The urge to better oneself is simply crucial, regardless of age or position in life. I believe everyone is capable of doing amazing things, both within themselves and for the good of our shared experience.

Growing up I was encouraged to follow my dreams, to be my own person no matter what. This support helped to fuel my inherent drive, pushing me forever forward. Giving up was never an option in my mind, my priorities may have shifted over the years but my resolve is unmoved. There were certainly points I stumbled but I never truly lost sight of what makes me who I am as a person. I am strong willed and filled with passion, it is something I take pride in, something that has keep me going. I think each of us need to be willing to fight for their dreams, no matter what they may be.

Living with a chronic progressive illness can sometimes bring a bit of a failing-TV-show mentality; a life of borrowed time, never knowing if the network will give you enough episodes. While I am not planning on my series, so to speak, being canceled anytime soon, I still tend to look at things in a much more temporary light. It can be difficult to strike the balance between ambition and reality, living in the now and reaching for the unknown then. Muscular Dystrophy has forced to me consider my own mortality at a time when most people feel somewhat immortal. Despite this unknown longevity, though, I still manage to have ambitions and goals for the future. I’ve found without having something to strive for, life can easily become dull and repetitive. Today may be a gift but tomorrow is truly an opportunity—life is all about moving forward. 

About a year after graduating high school I found myself at a particularly low point because of a general lack of purpose. I had made the decision, which I still stand behind, not to attend college without a goal to fill my time. It wasn’t until I discovered the outlet of this blog and the calling of volunteerism, that I began to feel sense of confidence within myself. I’m not suggesting that everyone needs a definitive direction in life but simply something to work towards, to reach for.

As I look to the future, however long it may be, I am reminded of the words of Walt Disney, “Keep moving forward.” My vision as I continue to move forward is to reach a wider audience with my writing, by exploring publishing and further blogging opportunities while persistently refining and improving my craft. Sharing my voice and the voices of others is my personal dedication, each person however, must find and pursue our own passions. There is always time to start new pursuits; each day is not an ending but an eternal to be continued...

The Eternal Spring of Hope

The earth has shifted on it’s axis, ushering in the warmer months for the sun-starved population of Central New York; the long awaited rebirth from the death-like winter cold. We have reached the yearly promised land of Spring, a season synonymous with hope. Much like the indomitable force of the seasons themselves, hope alters the very fabric of our consciousness. A sunny outlook truly springs forth new growth, new possibility.

Personally, I consider myself to be somewhat of a hopeful person, with a great deal of passion being attributed to this fact. Despite the fear and doubt I am occasionally gripped by, I try to live my life with a certain level of optimism. I believe it is both an overall choice of attitude and a daily skill to practice, an art form and a habit. Hope, at its core is truly about seeing things for what they could be instead of what they simply are.

My interest in social activism in part stems from this deep wishfulness I have as a person, to me all issues have the potential to improve if we work together. I have the hope that through our words and actions each of us can affect positive change in the world. I realize that people are capable of doing terrible things but I still maintain a faith in humanity, I hold the idea that the everyone also has the capacity to do wonderful things. I try to see each person I meet as an opportunity to learn something new, a chance to gain a unique perspective.

Recently, in fact, I met someone who gave me a great deal of hope. As I was taking the bus back from work I happened to strike up a conversation with a very strong and extremely optimistic woman who had a few physical differences. At first we chatted about the weather, she then politely asked about my ventilator and remarked how great it was that I was still getting around the world. Normally I would feel a bit awkward being told something like that but I had the impression she knew what it felt like to be different, underestimated. She shared with me the fact that she had, many years earlier, been shot directly in the face with a 12 gauge shotgun.

This very sweet woman told me that she had not been expected to survive period, let alone much past 40, she was now 63. She quipped that her mother had lived to the age of 90 and she planned on doing the same. This random woman on the bus had left me speechless with her story, I felt a wave of overwhelming positivity wash over me. As we reached her destination which was a small church, she handed me a leaflet with various Bible quotes on it and wished me a good day. Typically I would have again felt uncomfortable but I realized she was sharing something that had given her so much hope, even as a person who is not religious I appreciated this gesture of positivity.

I believe we all must try to find optimism in our own way, whether it be through religion, people or even our personal attitude. Hope, similar the persistence of Spring, can melt away the heaviest of snow and hardship, making way for the most beautiful things in life. Hope is not a delusion of weak and naive, it is a mark of the strong and fearless. Do not lose hope, for it can sometimes be all we have at the darkest hours.

Forever Excited

Most people who know me well, understand that I am an extremely passionate person, very few of my interests could be characterized as casual. I can be borderline obsessive with the things that I love, however, I would not trade this enthusiasm for anything in the world. I believe that life is worth living as long as we have things that still excite us, give us joy. No matter what age we are, we should seek to preserve our childhood sense of wonder and excitement.

As each of us grow older, our interests can certainly change but our zeal for life does not necessarily have to. It can be difficult to maintain an eager attitude, I know that all too well, there is a lot of value in it though. Those who have the ability to get genuinely excited about their passions can act as sort of a catalyst, a force of positivity. When a friend, loved one or even a stranger gets really charged up about something they love, we can't help but feel a little bit that way ourselves—it is infectious.

Unfortunately, sometimes we feel the need to suppress our joy, mask our true feelings. There have been more than a few occasions where I have downplayed my interests in fear of being perceived as annoying. I realize that I tend to ramble on about things such as movies, television and social activism, however, every time I water down bits of my personality I am left feeling a bit hollow. Too often do we give up parts of ourselves in the pursuit of acceptance when they are, in fact, what make us who we are.

Lately, I have been extremely ecstatic about the new Star Wars film coming out, I have waited over 10 years for a new movie and my entire life for an episode seven. When I discuss Star Wars it is not just simply something I enjoy but a major part of my life. It is a series that has seen me through some pretty tough times, no matter how difficult things got Star Wars always made me feel a little better. To me it is important that we respect and have patience for everyone’s interests, for we do not always know just how meaningful something is to a person.

Whether your interest is Star Wars or exotic birds; auto mechanics or scrap-booking; Harry Potter or super-heroes; if it makes your life more enjoyable (barring anything dangerous or offensive) it has value. In a world with so many reasons to feel down, we should be comfortable sharing what truly makes happy, free of judgement. Remember what it felt like to be child bursting with excitement about what you love, hold on to that joyous energy as you go through this wild ride of life.

Adapt, Adjust, Repeat

One of the most helpful traits that any living-thing on this planet can possess is the ability to adapt. Being capable of adjusting to shifts in the environment or in our lives, ultimately increases the chance of survival, of happiness. I have certainly had to cope with more than a few major shifts in my own life, it is sort of the constant variable, but I always manage to adapt. Much like evolution in nature, we all must learn to let go of what does not work for us and nurture those things that are to our benefit.

Personally, adapting and adjusting is somewhat of a necessity but that does not, however, mean it is always simple or pleasant. Change is difficult, even painful at times, it can test the very fabric of what makes us who we are. Things like beginning to use a wheelchair, needing ventilator or even wearing glasses were particularly challenging for me. The hardest part of these transitions was not necessarily getting used to the new but surrendering the old, leaving behind what used to be.

Exiting the realm of familiarity can be absolutely terrifying for anyone, but it is an inevitable part of life. In fact, none of us would even exist if that first amphibian did not crawl itself out of the sea into the blistering sun, conquering the unknown. Progress is often the result of overcoming an obstacle, moving forward is usually an uphill battle. Luckily, we are part of a species well adapted to solving problems, humans are masters of ingenuity after all.

Early Homo Sapiens on the plains of Africa were not particularly fast or strong, we didn't have claws or great night vision but we had tools and could work together efficiently (opposable thumbs are pretty awesome too!). Evolution made us able to use our brains to overcome our physical limitations; we could create a spear, build a fire and make clothing. In my own life I use assistive technology every day, there is certainly no shame in this adaptation. There is also nothing negative about asking others for help, teamwork is truly the cornerstone of human civilization.

I believe the key to surviving the changes that life throws at us, is to support our needs above how we expect things to be. The trick is to spend less time thinking about what your life is supposed to look like and more time actually living it, no matter what it looks like. When Charles Darwin used the phrase "survival of the fittest", it did not mean the strongest but the best at fitting within the environment. It is far better to flow with the current of change, rather than be drowned fighting against it. The only thing we can do when life begins to shift is: adapt, adjust, repeat.

Whatever Will Be, Will Be

The future is infinitely unpredictable; this both terrifying and comforting fact, is something each person must face. This humbling realization can leave some with the inescapable fear that everything they know and love could crumble at any moment. For others though, this uncertain nature of life brings a deep hope that something wonderful could be waiting just around the corner. To me, the realm of the unexpected can be rather overwhelming at times, but it is truly where the magic happens.

When I think back on all of the beautiful moments I have experienced and all the wonderful people I have met, one thing becomes abundantly clear; life is shaped by happy accidents. Last week certainly exemplifies this idea for me, when I went into work last Wednesday I had no idea I would end up being interviewed for television. It began like any other Wednesday: I woke up, got ready for the day and got on the Call-A-Bus headed for the Make-A-Wish Central New York offices in East Syracuse. When I arrived, a small film crew from WCNY was setting up to interview Diane Kuppermann, Make-A-Wish CNY’s President and CEO.

I honestly did not think much about it, I set up my laptop and got to work, business as usual. After a little while, Dyana who is the PR/Communications Director approached me and asked if I would be willing to give a statement. In the midst of Diane's interview, she had apparently mentioned me and the work I do for the organization, subsequently the crew wanted to hear from me. An excited grin washed over my face as I confidently agreed to do what I like to do best, talk. 

Despite having only mere minutes to prepare, my interview went extremely smoothly with very few pauses or stumbles. Not only did I get to recall my experiences with Make-A-Wish but I also discussed my philosophies on life and on living with a physical impairment. As I spoke it truly came from a place of passion, it felt terrific to be able to share my perspective. By the end, I got the distinct impression that everyone had been truly moved by what I had to say, it was an amazing experience. My segment will appear on WCNY's Cycle of Health at a date to be announced soon.

Every day presents a new, wonderful chance for something random and potentially life-changing to happen. Being receptive to these opportunities many be challenging sometimes, but it can certainly pay off. Much like my painstaking aversion television and film spoilers, I value the surprises life has to offer. Never entirely knowing what the future may hold, still obviously opens up the possibility for terrible things to happen but this cosmic roulette table requires you to have a stake in the game—something to lose. It is up to us to each of to learn how to cope with these risks of existence, to make peace with the bet that is on the table. 

Beyond The Yellow Brick Road

In this world of choices and expectations, each of us must find our way, our own unique path through life. I believe that the popular direction, the direction we are conditioned by society to head in, is not always the best option. From a young age we are told in a hundred different shrill voices to obey the status quo—to follow the yellow brick road. Once in a while though, that yellow brick road is not all it's cracked up to be, sometimes that great and powerful wizard turns out to be nothing but a man behind a curtain.

Throughout my life I have, more than a few times, compared my personal path to that of others and felt a little disappointed, jealous even. However, no matter how many times I have felt this way, I always return to the conclusion that I am actually pretty content with how my life has turned out. As the Elton John song, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, puts it: "I've finally decided my future lies, beyond the yellow brick road." I may not have taken the "traditional route”; I did not go to college, I do not live away from home or work for a living but my life still has value.

I feel that people, all too often, are forced to give up parts of themselves in order to conform to one narrow view of success. Things like getting into the right college, finding the perfect job or even getting married and having kids, are not necessarily the only ways to be satisfied with our existence. I am not suggesting that everyone should forsake all societal conventions, forget all responsibility and fly around the world alone in a hot-air ballon. I just personally hold the belief that aspirations such as having a great deal of money—reaching that emerald city—do not always guarantee happiness, that it is truly found from within ourselves. 

I believe that wherever we go, whatever we do in life, we can find fulfillment each day by staying true to ourselves. It can be easy to just go through the motions, day in, day out, and begin to lose sight of what makes us who we are. It is very important, in my opinion, to take time to do the things that we love, to be creative, express ourselves and explore new interests. We should strive to make every day uniquely our own, live in such a way that no one could replace us.

The better we know ourselves and the more we be ourselves, the more freedom we will ultimately have. Our paths through this life are truly decided by what we are made of, what is within us. After all, the wizard did not give the scarecrow a brain, the tin-man a heart or the lion courage, they had it all along. It was not the yellow brick road that got Dorothy where she wanted to go, it was her will to go forward.

A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow

I have always regarded the future with a distinct sense of optimism, a hope that there are better days ahead for this world. Ever since I was small, I have dreamed of what the future might look like. My imagination has long been captured by the world of tomorrow, being a rather large sci-fi enthusiast after all. Although it may not be the 2015 that Marty McFly arrived at in Back To The Future Part II, I am still constantly amazed by the growth of science and technology.

More than a few times in my life I have been asked the question: if I could live in any time period besides the present, which would I choose? My answer is usually something along the lines of about 100 years from now. There are many who seem to romanticize the days gone by, personally I tend to romanticize the days yet to come. I admire some of the aesthetics of the past and believe it is important to know the history but I do not think they were somehow superior times.

When I look back, I see how far things have come and the struggles that people faced to bring it forth. Idealizing the past can be somewhat problematic, in short it erases the advancements in technology and human rights that have improved countless lives. In fact, I would not be active, social or even survive in the vast majority of former eras. Simpler times do not necessarily equal better times; a house, for example, is much nicer to live in than a cave.

Progress can be difficult, even painful at times, it is however, very necessary. Change, much like growing up, can be absolutely terrifying but it is just another part of life. I believe it is important to view every new day, each new thing that comes along with an open mind. The dawn is far brighter with open eyes and an adventurous heart.

As I think about the evolution of human civilization I am reminded of the nostalgic and rather corny Walt Disney World attraction, Carousel of Progress. This rotating theater with animatronic characters was conceived by Walt, himself for the 1964-65 New York World's Fair, later opened in Disneyland and eventually Disney World in 1975. The show depicts the innovations of the American home in 1899, 1920, 1940 and 1999(which is hilarious) with the sentiment, "It can't get any better than this." Despite being somewhat dated, its message remains strong: life ultimately improves as time goes by and as technology expands.

I agree with this idea, judging from the past 100 years, invention and innovation will continue to better lives and push society forward. I dream of a future where the world no longer uses fossil fuels and has began to reverse climate change; where there is clean water for all and not one person knows hunger; where the understanding of ourselves and the universe we inhabit, surpasses our imagination. As the incredibly catchy song from Carousel of Progress suggests, "There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of everyday, there's a great big beautiful tomorrow and tomorrow's just a dream away!"

In The Mirror

In this world filled with narrow notions of beauty and success we must learn to dismantle the idea of what is "normal" and try to unconditionally love the person looking back at us in the mirror. I have struggled with personal acceptance for much of my life, with both my physical impairments and certain personality traits of mine. It has been a long road learning to love the person I am and there are miles to go. Self acceptance is a challenge we all face in one form or another throughout our lives; some struggle more than others but we all have things we do not like about ourselves. 

Sometimes the people who seem to have it all together, are actually silently battling personal insecurities on a daily basis. A startling number of young people, typically characterized as self absorbed, struggle to accept who they are. Some of the kindest people, who are filled with so much compassion for others, sometimes do not love themselves. There are times where our greatest enemy can dwell between our own two ears. We can be our own biggest critics, calling to attention every perceived imperfection. Self improvement is important but we must not let it consume us. When we become overcritical of ourselves, it can leave us wishing we were another person. When I personally feel this way I am reminded of the words of Kurt Cobain, "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are." We may not always be able control how we feel about ourselves; I do however, believe that each of us can affect certain destructive paths of thought. It is important that we treat ourselves how we would want to be treated. I believe the "Golden rule" should apply to everyone, including ourselves.

I also feel that many of the negative ways people tend to see themselves, are actually internalized expectations set by society. When it comes to things like weight, physical ability, mental capacity, romantic interests, race, gender or economic standing, we are commonly shown a "default" existence, with any differences presented as "extra" or even wrong. The idea of a "normal person" is so limiting and destructive for those who do not fit within its definition. I strongly believe representation is the key; to love ourselves, we must first see ourselves. It is imperative that popular media reflects a wider view of humanity. It breaks my heart knowing that people, many of whom are so young, are sent the message by our culture that they are not wanted. Diversity is not imperfection, it is beauty. I can confidently say, each person who reads my blog is beautiful and important.
For all those who need to be reminded, you matter.
For all those who feel weak, you are powerful.
For all those who feel alone, you are loved.
For everyone out there struggling to feel accepted or accept themselves, I truly believe in you.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

This post is dedicated to Mike Conese, who has more Christmas spirit than anyone I know. 

We have reached that time again where the holidays are in full swing and where the best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear. It's a season of lights, mistletoe and magic that comes only once a year. For me the most important part of this merry celebration is the people I spend it with, they are truly the greatest gift. Gathering with friends and family makes this time of year brighter than the biggest of Christmas trees ever could. For anyone who knows my family, they would not be surprised to find that we in fact begin the most wonderful season of all with a party for hosting. 

On the first weekend of December each year, we host the famous Mort family Christmas open house—a masterfully orchestrated holiday extravaganza. Although it is a major undertaking(my mom fully decorated the entire house in just one week), opening up our home to our friends and family is simply something we enjoy doing. From the time of the party till the end of the year we try to spend time with all the people who are important to us. Being surrounded by some of our favorite people seems to put everything into perspective. This time of year especially, reminds us just how much others impact our lives and how much we impact others.

One of the greatest holiday films of all time, It's A Wonderful Life deals with the very subject, if you have never seen this classic I strongly recommend  giving it a watch. In the movie, George Bailey played by James Stewart catches a glimpse of what life would be like if he had never been born. The harsh world in his absence reveals just how important his existence is to everyone around him. The message of the film reflects the idea that we all do indeed make a difference. 

Each person we meet we influence in some form of another and vice versa. I believe the love we put forth into the world alters I the landscape like a freshly fallen snow, softly blanketing all it touches. Every unique snowflake, each act of kindness adds to the greater sum—a better life for all. So as the song says: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. 

I am so grateful for my parents who have given me so much love, who have always made sure I was warm, safe and well fed. I am thankful for my brothers who always have my back. I am so happy for all the amazing friends, family and acquaintances that have changed my life for the better. I am so lucky for all the people that would, if I said the word would throw a lasso around the moon and pull in down for me. No matter who you are, where you are from or what you celebrate, I wish you all the very best this holiday season! 

Worth Fighting For

"Silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you." 

-Simon & Garfukel 

In this world of chaos and heartbreak it often times difficult to speak up for what you believe in, to fight for what is right. I have found my passion and skill in this life is for words, what I say and what I write is my power. When I decide to lift my words to support something it is with my entire being. I may speak for a great many causes but they are all important to me. I realize I can be somewhat aggressive with my views from time to time (i.e my Facebook arguments) but it flows from a deep hope I possess. I truly believe each of us can make a difference, whether by action or simple understanding we can make the world a better place.

It's easy to look at many of the issues occurring globally or in our nation and say it's not my problem but apathy is the true enemy of progress. Opening our eyes can be challenging, even painful however it is always the first step toward brighter days. From feminism to disabled rights, racial equality to the environment, I always try my best to stay informed with the latest developments. I understand that not everyone has the time or energy to pursue everything that I do. 

I will admit though, my many activist ideals can occasionally get the better of me. It is not always simple to strike the balance between well-versed and obsessive. I find it challenging at times to not become completely consumed by the things I believe. I also find it a little difficult to maintain a level head when others disagree with how I feel, I am admittedly intense. I am continuing to learn how to calmly agree to disagree. 

Despite being a rather strong willed person, I still often find myself conflicted on particularly divisive subjects. Finding the line between idealism and realism takes a lot of skill. In a discussion I will strongly attempt to sway your viewpoint but at the same time consider opposing ideas. My mind can sometimes resemble a pinball machine—thoughts bouncing back and forth. 

I find it very important to be as thoughtful as possible when contemplating the issues. No matter what side I may take, I try to see everything through the lens of human decency for all people. My methods are not always perfect but at my core my intent to offer new insights and perspectives. For some I can come off as far too sensitive, political and opinionated but I genuinely want to make a positive impact with the voice I have. 

Life Is A Story

Story telling is one of the world's oldest traditions that allows us to maintain a continuous thread of experience. For thousands of years we have told and retold stories, ever evolving as we progress. Tales portrayed through spoken word, film, literature, television, music and art are all simply different ways of spreading ideas. 

The parable Noah's Ark for example, was adapted from the ancient Sumerian epic of Ziusudra into the bible and then a 2014 film. From ancient cave drawings to the first legends of the constellations in the night sky, from Homer to Jay-Z, William Shakespeare to Bob Dylan, Dr. Seuss to J.K. Rowling, there have always been stories and storytellers. There is no corner of the planet occupied by humans, no era of our history that does not have it's own unique lore. 

All my life stories have been important to me and have managed to impact both how I see myself and the world. I believe that the stories we are told and that we tell others can truly reveal who we are as individuals. When I was growing up my parents loved to read to my brothers and I, they were phenomenal at really bringing what they read to life.

I realize now that many of the children's books that my parents read to me had a major effect on my moral structure, self-esteem and imagination. Story time was a huge part of my childhood, my parents picked books that reflected our interests yet expanded our perceptions. A great example are the works of Dr. Seuss; although his writings were rather whimsical and fun on the surface, many of them were actually very profound. Books like The Lorax promote strong environmental values or Horton Hears a Who! which deals with equality and multiculturalism. One of my favorite's by Seuss, that my dad especially enjoyed reading to me was Green Eggs and Ham which is essentially about being open minded. 

There are always certain tales that catch our attention as children and stay relevant our entire lives, even gaining meaning as we grow. Stories that make us laugh, make us cry, give us hope for the future or connect us to the past. Stories serve many different purposes, they can preserve history or an ideal, teach a lesson or simply entertain us. There are true stories, tall tales and everything in between. 

Our very lives are a story written by moments experienced, obstacles conquered and other lives touched. As each day unfolds we ultimately choose our own story; we may not always anticipate the plot twists or decide the setting but we can create the tone. What is the theme of your story?